


Gaydians of the Galaxy

by Otaku67



Category: Danny Phantom, Teen Titans (Animated Series), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, M/M, Mpreg, Please Don't Take This Seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 17:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13194591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otaku67/pseuds/Otaku67
Summary: Vlad Plasmius ends up on Asgard, where he meets and falls in love with Loki. Together they have a son named Aqualad who grows up to betray them in the worst way: he becomes a hero.





	Gaydians of the Galaxy

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so here's the scoop: My roommate realized that Aqualad looks like the love child of Loki and Vlad Plasmius, so I promised her I would write a fan fiction in which they're a family. This is by no means meant to be taken seriously at all; it's intended to be utter nonsense and the entire point is that it's terrible. This fic is just a joke and I hope you get as much amusement out of it as Audrey and I did

 

Does time really exist, or is it an illusion created by man? Vlad Plasmius often pondered this as he roamed the endless universe. It may have been mere weeks or months since Jack had banished him into space, or it could have been years, even centuries; it was impossible to tell. The feeling of utter loneliness made time drag on unbearably and he no longer had much of a sense of self. For an indefinable amount of time, Vlad Plasmius wandered the galaxy, hopeless and alone.

But then he met him.

Vlad would mostly rest on stray asteroids, but there were times when he snuck onto a planet to spend a bit of time. One day, he happened upon a realm called Asgard. He was creeping through the orchard, looking for fruit to steal, when he happened upon  _ him.  _

He was stretched across a bench beneath an apple tree, lost in a book which he held in one hand. He was… beautiful. That slender body, that slick black hair, those piercing blue eyes… After just one look Vlad forgot all about Maddie, the woman he had spent so many years pining for. 

The gorgeous man must have felt Vlad’s gaze, for he suddenly looked up from his book. If ghosts could blush, Vlad would have; had he seen him staring? How embarrassing!  However, the man closed his book with an impish smile and stood to approach him. “I've never seen you here before. Where do you come from?” He spoke with an accent that Vlad had never heard before. Scandinavian, maybe?

“I- I am a traveler. I'm only stopping on this planet for some brief refuge, then I'll be on my way…” He struggled to force his voice out, which was odd for the confident Vlad.

“Well welcome, traveler. My name is Loki, adopted son of Odin, god of mischief.”

_ God of mischief.  _ Vlad quite liked the sound of that. 

“I am Vlad Mas-” Vlad paused; he hadn’t been “Vlad Masters” since before he was banished to space. In this form, he was Vlad Plasmius. “...Plasmius. Vlad Plasmius. I come from Earth, originally.”

“Earth, hm? I haven’t been there for quite a while.” Loki chuckled fondly at the memory of all the mischief he had caused on the planet that his brother seemed so fond of. Vlad already loved that smug smirk. 

“Where am I now?” Vlad asked, looking around at his surroundings.

“Asgard,” Loki answered with a dramatic gesture of his arms. “It’s nice enough, I suppose, though it would be much better if I was on the throne. Things can get boring around here, even when I’m not in prison.” Loki let out a heavy sigh.

Vlad was suddenly overtaken with an idea. He knew it was insane, but he heard himself asking anyway: “Do you want to travel the galaxy with me, Loki?” 

At first, Loki was naturally taken aback. This was quite a bold request from a total stranger! Nonetheless, the set his book down on the bench behind him and flashed the smirk that Vlad had quickly come to love. “That sounds fun.”

And so Vlad was no longer alone in his wanderings across the universe. His lonesome, uneventful existence suddenly became exciting again. He and Loki learned a lot about each other and Vlad soon found that Loki was just as evil as himself. Together, they terrorized the innocent populations of planets far and wide, causing misery and discomfort and fear and occasionally setting things on fire or causing explosions. It was glorious.

It didn’t take long for Vlad to conclude that he was in love. Vlad had never considered that he might be gay, or even bisexual, so these powerful feelings confused him. But then again, Loki was quite feminine with his long hair and slim waist, so was it  _ really _ gay? Vlad kept these feelings to himself for the most part, for fear that they would be unrequited and that Loki would leave him if he found out.

However, it seemed that Loki felt exactly the same way.

“You know, Vladdie… I don’t think I felt complete until I met you,” Loki mused one day as they lounged on an uninhabited asteroid, hiding out from The Guardians of the Galaxy or whatever intergalactic law enforcement agency was on their tail at the moment. As a ghost, Vlad didn’t have a heartbeat, but he felt his chest tighten just the same.

“I know what you mean. Causing mischief on your own is fun and all, but it’s just so much  _ better _ as partners,” Vlad agreed. Although truthfully, this was not the only way in which Loki made him feel complete.

Loki hummed thoughtfully. “True… But I was thinking something else.” Without warning, Loki leaned over and kissed him on the lips.

“...Dear god, I love you,” Vlad gasped after Loki pulled away. Instead of responding with words, Loki simply smirked as usual and gave Vlad another kiss.

A few minutes later, both men had removed their clothes and eventually they started making love, right out in the open on the asteroid. They didn’t care if anyone saw them; they were too caught up in their mutual passion.  Practically the entire galaxy was filled with their moans of pleasure.

Neither of them could have expected the shocking, beautiful consequence of their actions.

Several months later, Loki had a shocking announcement. “Vlad, there’s something I need to tell you,” he announced after one of their routine reigns of terror.

“I thought you seemed a little less mischievous than usual… What is it, my love?” Vlad asked, touching his lover’s cheek. Loki turned away from his touch, which was odd.

“...I’m pregnant.”

Vlad’s eyes quite literally popped out of his head (he was a ghost, after all) and his jaw dropped. “What the-  _ How?!”  _ Despite his feminine qualities, Loki was definitely a man; Vlad had confirmed that during the many times they had sex.

Loki simply shrugged. “I’m an alien and a shapeshifter, Vlad. Anything is possible.”

This news was too much for Vlad to comprehend. He had been a father once, sort of, but creating a female version of the son of his college crush didn’t really seem to count as fatherhood. This child wouldn’t start out fully grown, it would be born a baby, and need raising before he threw it out in the road. And not only that, there would be another person raising the child with him. Vlad suddenly realized that this thought was actually quite comforting. He wouldn’t be alone in this; he had Loki, the love of his life, right there with him the whole time. He had been alone for so, so long, but not anymore. Calming down, Vlad smiled softly and took Loki into his arms. 

Loki eventually gave birth to a healthy baby boy. He had his “mother’s” slick black hair and his father’s pupilless eyes. He was the perfect combination of them both, and they named him Garth (though when they discovered that the baby had a strong love for water, they took to calling him by the nickname ‘Aqualad’). The two men agreed to raise their son on Earth. The planet wasn’t perfect, and neither of them were welcome there, but it was probably the safest planet in the galaxy and one of the best for raising a family. So, shortly after Garth was born in a shady hospital on tiny, remote planet, they settled down in California.

The two villains kept a low profile in order to avoid anyone who might recognize them from the times when they had individually terrorized the planet. They found humor in those memories, but they had a feeling that the citizens of the United States would not remember them as fondly. So they kept to themselves in their cliffside cottage, Loki disguising himself whenever he needed to go into town to pick up food. Their property was on a private beach, so fortunately they could bring “Aqualad” to swim to his heart’s content whenever he wanted, without risking being seen by anyone.

However, they couldn’t keep their son sheltered forever.

Vlad was sitting cross-legged on the sofa when Garth, now five years old, came toddling into the room with an excited gleam in his eyes. “Daddy! Daddy! When I grow up, I wanna be just like Aquaman!” he exclaimed, plopping himself down next to his father.

“Oh? Who’s Aquaman, love?” Vlad asked without looking up from his paper. He figured this was just another one of his son’s imaginary friends; he had a lot of those, since he didn’t have anyone else to interact with.

“The fish man I saw on TV! He’s a super cool hero that controls the water and talks to whales and stuff! He’s part of The Justice League, and I want to save people just like him!” Garth explained enthusiastically, bouncing in his seat. Vlad froze and tightened his grip on his newspaper. He wanted to reprimand his son right then, tell him that their family is founded in  _ opposing  _ things like “justice,” but instead he just took a deep breath and said, “Interesting.”

Later that night, while Vlad and Loki were cleaning up from dinner and Garth was playing in the living room, Vlad told his husband about what their son had said. “I’m worried, Lo. If he starts looking up to superheroes, what if he decides to  _ become _ one?”

This suggestion made Loki flinch. “Don’t talk like that, Vlad. He’s just a little boy. My father was one of those ghastly ‘heroes,’ and I admired him when I was Garth’s age. He’ll grow out of it. But just to be safe, maybe we should stop calling him Aqualad, since it’s so close to this hero he’s taken fondly to…” Vlad nodded in agreement, hoping Loki was right.

But he would be wrong.

As Garth grew into a handsome teenager, he developed the rebellious streak that most teenage boys do. Despite his fathers’ warnings, he often ventured into the city and kept up to date with the actions of superheroes, particularly Aquaman. Whenever he got caught and his fathers grounded him, he would dive into the ocean where he would spend hours, or sometimes even days, honing the aquatic powers he had possessed from a young age. One day, when his parents were giving him yet another lecture on why he should hate superheroes, Garth decided he’d had enough.

“Do you know what I’ve been doing when I go into the city? I’ve been making friends. Teenagers with powers, like me. One of them is green and can turn into animals! They’re so  _ cool.  _ Way cooler than you two. They actually  _ save _ people, not just cause petty mischief like you do! And sometimes, they even help The Justice League. I want to be like them, not pathetic villains like you! The last time I ran away, I ran into Aquaman in the ocean. And guess what: he agreed to take me on as an apprentice. Mom, Dad, I love you, but I can’t keep living like this. I’m going to become a sidekick, and after that, a hero. Goodbye.” 

With that grand speech, Garth- who had no re-christened himself as his childhood nickname, Aqualad- threw open the living room window and dove into the roaring waves below.

Upon losing the one thing keeping them bound to Earth, Loki and Vlad returned to space, wandering the galaxy with heavy hearts. But at least they still had each other.

  
  


FIN   
  


**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I actually wrote this omfg


End file.
